Jokes

[Demon]

An odd turn........

[Raistlin]

Let's get this place hopping again. Any new jokes out there? I've got a nice one:

A teacher is teaching her class when she notices a student not paying attention sitting in the back of the class. She approaches him and finds him rubbing his crotch. When the teach tells him to cut that out he explains that he just got curcumsized the other day. She instructs him to go to the office and call his mother to see what she suggests.

After the boy returns he goes back to his seat. A moment later theres an uproar in the back. The teach goes to check and finds the same boy with his 'thingy' hanging out of his pants.

"Didn't I tell you to call you mother about this?" asked the teacher.

"I did." said the boy. "She said she'd pick me up from school if I stick it out for a half hour."

[Krasor]

Nice one

[farryn]

Ok stop me if you heard this one....A guy walks up to a bartender and proceeds to talk to him.

I bet you I can bite my right eye.
What?
I bet you I can bite my right eye...
Ok lets see, if you can ill give you 10 dollars
The guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it, and the bartender gets angry

Get out of here your ripping me off!
Ok I double that bet I can bite my left eye
what??? you'd be blind
Then bet me..
Ok
The guy pulls out his dentures and bites his left eye and the bartender gets more angry
GET OUT!
Ok one last bet, I bet you 100 dollars I can take this whole can of Copahagen, chew it all up, spit it across your bar, make it in the spatoon, all without spilling a drop...
Yeah right, not even a pro can do that.
Then bet me!
Ok your on!
The guy chews it all up and spits it out and gets all over the bartender, his bar, and stools and the bartender laughs and cleans it all up
The guy starts laughing to and the bartender says whats you laughing for? you just lost 100 dollars!
Well yeah but you see that guy in the far corner? I just bet him 5000 dollars I could come up here, spit all over you and your bar and you'd just laugh and clean it up

[Raistlin]

Not fair. You lied. I tried to stop you, but the story just kept going. I've not actually heard it before. I was there. We told Uncle Leo not to drink so much, but you know family reunions.

[Morge]

Raist, you're an idiot. I have a new one though.



Frank lives in the states and goes up to Alaska every summer to hunt. One summer he finds a little brown bear and tracks it then shoots it. He feels proud of himself till he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around he sees it's a big black bear.

It says to him, "Frank, that was my brother you shot. So you have 2 options. Either I kill you, or you let me have sex with you." He thought about it then decided he wouldn't want to die, so gave in. The experience left him pretty beat up. He got pissed and decided to make that bear pay. Next summer he went looking for that bear, tracked it, then shot it. He felt proud untill he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was a huge grizzly bear.

It said to him, "Frank, that was my cousin you shot. Either I'm gonna maul you to dether, or you can let me have mad, rough sex with you." He was scared, but figured he'd rather not die. Afterwards he was in pain for months. He decided that bear had to pay. Next summer he tracked it and shot it. He was so relieved untill he felt a tap on his shoulder.

A big polar bear was standing behind him and said, "Come on, Frank. Be honest. Now we all know you don't come all the way up here just to hunt."

[safarah]

LOL.. I would have chose death.... Yep!!

[phantomkiller]

so what did the polar bear do

[Morge]

Took his turn wether Frank wanted it, or not.

[phantomkiller]

no i knew that what happened after

[AntonyJC]

nothing he died of sex to much penetration

[Irishman]

A lawyer goes to the Pearly gates. When he gets there, St Peter tells him they have a dilema. Naturally, being a lawyer, he's s'posed to go to hell. But he represented so many of the poor and destitute that St Peter was prepared to let him into Heaven. So, St Peter gave the man a choice.

"You will spend one whole day in Heaven, and One whole day in Hell. You get to decide where your eternal spirit will dwell."

The lawyer thought that was very fair all things considered.

The first day he spent in heaven, he floated on a cloud, played his harp and generally talked pleasantly with the others.

The next day, he went to Hell. When he got there he was taken to a large party where he consumed great quantities of food and beer and never gained any weight, never got seriously drunk. He went out and played his best game of golf ever, getting 2 holes in one. He spent the evening with a couple of beautiful women that entertained him.

The following day, he walked up to St Peter. St Peter asked him what was his choice. the lawyer responded, "No offense, but I'm going to Hell." St Peter just shook his head and watched him walk away.

When he got there, the golf course, the bars, the hotels, were all gone. All he saw were people being tortured, in pain and misery. He walked up to the devil and asked, "What happened to everything? It was so nice yesterday!"

The Devil responded, "Yesterday was the campaign, Today you Voted!"

[Raistlin]

And who did we get after that?

I think you know where this is going.